Misery Loves Company Have a Seat

“Oh, she bugged out” Nadine’s cousin says and continues to sip brown liquor and laugh.

“You want some,” Nadine’s cousin’s friend says.

“Nah I have to drive, and I don’t drink at all,” says Nadine

“You sure.”

“Yes, I can’t drive under the influence”

“Oh, just a little sip”

“Nah I’m good.”

Everyone but Nadine is sitting comfortably in chairs on the front porch of a three-family house. Sipping on brown liquor. The type of liquor that calms souls temporarily but does not heal. There is no seat for Nadine, so she stands leaning her body against one of the porch legs. She is not comfortable. Too shy to ask for a seat and none of the young men are not giving up theirs. The substance everyone but Nadine is indulging in begins to kick in and release thoughts from the subconscious mind.

Teenagers and young adults sitting around conversing about their reckless behavior. Nadine remains quiet and listens.

“Yeah, when I drink it makes me quiet and sit back,” Nadine’s cousin’s best friend says.

“Forget that I’m turning up… matter a fact pass me the bottle. What about you Driver?”

“I don’t drink. I mean I had one drink before. It did was make me sleepy. But I have a natural high. I don’t need to smoke or drink to have a good time. It’s naturally in me.” Nadine humbly expresses.

Silence lingered in the air. Everyone who was drinking were looking at one another confused. The silence broke with the older person amongst the crowd saying, “Yeah alright”.

Everyone begins to laugh. The laughter was directed towards Nadine who informed the crowd through her speech and actions she was different.

It was approaching 1 am in morning. Some wanted to go inside their home others had plans to go elsewhere. Nadine was going to go to her cousin’s house to hang out, but she decides to drop her cousin off and go home. Her purpose for hanging out with her cousin was to get over a boy who stood her up. Nadine has never been “played” before.

As Nadine drops her cousin off, she tells her cousin that she cannot bring marijuana into her car again in case they get pulled over. Nadine’s cousin becomes vulgar and begins calling Nadine out of her name. Nadine’s cousin however does not have a reliable car. Nadine’s cousin went behind her mother’s back and brought a car that was a lemon. She rushed and wanted to be “grown” as the old folks would say

“What! Are you serious? Why are you putting that energy in the air? I always have it on me and never get pulled over,” Nadine’s cousin scowls and rolls her eyes.

“I know, but I just was having a conversation with someone about it. I just don’t want to take any chances.” Nadine calmly responds to her cousin.

“Stop being weird.”

Nadine’s cousin changes the conversation and leaves out of the car.

Next morning comes and Nadine feels like the air is thick. She feels as if a plastic bag is covering her head. Nadine for most of her life was antisocial and never really had friends because she did weird things and wore unfashionable clothes. This caused Nadine to suffer from depression and mental issues. She constantly deals with it with help of therapy. However, this morning, she did not feel like herself. Nadine felt like she allowed herself to be bullied in her own car by her cousin and does not feel like she is normal. Nadine did not partake in the usual behaviors many her age did. Part of Nadine’s emotional well-being relies on reframing from substance abuse. Nadine no longer wanted to feel like the anomaly because she could not bear the judgment of her peers.

Nadine calls her cousin asks for marijuana. She meets her cousin in the parking lot of an apartment building.

“Here, is this enough,” Nadine’s cousin says.

“No, a little more. Can you come with me to the park?” Nadine kindly asks.

“No, I can’t. I have to do something.”

Nadine parks at a nearby park and takes out a lighter and rolling papers that her cousin left in her car a long time ago and starts to roll up. Nadine takes the keys out of the ignition in case cops make an issue. She then leaves the car and walks to the back of the park where no one can see her. She spots a park bench. Nadine sits makes herself comfortable. She then takes out what they call a “blunt” she had rolled in the car and lights it up. It was the brown blunt that calms souls temporarily but does not heal. She inhales temporary smoke of relief and exhales pain that will soon return.

Two hours passed before Nadine decided to go in her car and drive home. Nadine is the only child and lives with her aunt. Nadine makes it home.

“Hey, can you sit down for a second auntie?” Nadine says calmly “I have decided I think its best that I want to move out.”

“Okay what’s going on?”

“I just think I need to be alone. I don’t feel like myself. I think I need to go in isolation and get myself together?”

“But remember what your therapist said that isolation resorts to depression.”

Nadine cannot stop crying after she tells her aunt that she wants to move out. What she said did not come from a sincere and rational place. Nadine knows that her aunt has high expectations for her and would not condone her smoking to relieve her problems. Nadine’s family has a history of substance abuse. Nadine leaves the kitchen table crying and lays down in her bed for a few minutes. Nadine then realizes what she said to her aunt was not all true. She does not really want to leave. But instead, of talking to her aunt, Nadine grabs her car keys from the kitchen table and runs past her aunt who is sitting in living room by the front door. Nadine speeds out of the driveway like a woman whose been scorn.

The air becomes thick again. With the little sanity she has left she pulls over to a gas station before she becomes a danger to herself and someone else on the road. She answers the phone call of her concerned aunt.

“What happened? I told you I am alright with your decision of wanting to move out.”

“I can’t breathe. I just don’t want to be here anymore.”

“Don’t say that. Listen just come back and I am going to put you in a hotel for two days, so that you can have your space.”

Nadine packs her bag and follows her aunt in her own car to the hotel.

Nadine enters her hotel room. She begins to feel scared. But isolation was what she wanted. Her aunt afforded Nadine a luxury that Nadine could not afford herself due to being a college student and working a minimum wage job. Nadine flops on her hotel bed and calls her cousin to update her on the latest news of her life.

“Hey, I am going to M.I.A for a while because I am getting ready to move out “Nadine says.

“Why? Did you and your aunt get into it. And girl I’m in the same boat.”

“No, we didn’t I just realized that I don’t want to be told what to do. I want to be grown. I think it’s time I make my own decisions. I just need to be alone”

“So, I was gonnah ask, but I am sensing you don’t want to go to the party or to Miami for Spring Break anymore?’

“No, to be honest I don’t want to do anything anymore.”

Nadine relaxes and begins to think about her life. What caused her to have this mental breakdown? What is she going to do with her future? Has she been making sound decisions?

She begins to realize that she has not been making sound decisions. She has been partaking in negative behaviors. Weeks before she was warned by her aunt with the statement “water seeks its own level”. Today was the day Nadine understood that statement. Lately, she has been hanging out and corresponding with her cousin who smokes and drinks and disrespects her mother. Nadine was showing the signs of becoming just like her cousin. As hours goes by her mind becomes clearer. When Nadine is going through a rough time she does not eat. She used to be an emotional eater. However, drinking just water helps to bring her mind to clarity. Three hours passes by, and Nadine begins crying and realizes that she does not want to be on her own. Everything she told her aunt did not come from a sincere place. She was under the influence at the time and in a mental breakdown. After Nadine comes to that conclusion, she then reaches out to her cousin to tell her that she changed her mind.

“Hey, I just realized that living on my own is not the healthiest thing right now. I just want to be grown too early. I have to make baby steps first and start by being more responsible. I need to finish college first.” Nadine says firmly.

“What the hell is wrong with you,” Nadine’s cousin yells.

“Nothing is wrong with me. I just dealt with a lot of things in my childhood, and I am trying to learn how to cope with it.”

“You are so indecisive.”

The two days reserved at the hotel for Nadine are up and Nadine heads home. She walks in her house and the first place she goes is to her aunt’s room. Nadine sits at her favorite spot which is at the bottom of her aunt’s bed.

“Good morning auntie.”

“Good morning.”

“I am so sorry for the way I acted out yesterday. I feel so embarrassed that I let myself come to this point.”

“How did you get to this point?”

“I was just frustrated about everything. I smoked something yesterday before I came and spoke to you. I thought smoking would relieve my problems, but it made it worst and little noises started to bother me.”

“I noticed that lately you have been mentally checking out and doing reckless things and hanging with people who do not have much to lose.”

“Yes, I know. I just figured that out. But auntie I realized moving out is not the best thing for me. Isolation is not what I want. I was so scared when I was in the hotel room alone.”

“Nadine, I would never ask you to leave. This is your home, as much as this is my home.”

Nadine begins crying out of love. She goes over and hugs and kisses her auntie on the cheek and repeatedly apologizes for the way she acted out.

“Listen, I did not lose any sleep over you and your nonsense. I know your crazy. I just said Nadine just going through one of her tantrums again she will get over it. I refuse to let you stress me out. I got enough of my own problems” Nadine’s aunt sarcastically says. Only a sense of humor they can understand. Nadine and her aunt burst out in laughter to let go some of the seriousness of the conversation.

“Yes, auntie I have to do better. I realized my cousin was being a bad influence on me.”

“I already knew it, but I wanted you to find out for yourself. Yes, she may be your family, but that does not mean you have to hang out with her all the time, when she is not doing anything positive. Sometimes people wish they could be in your shoes.”

“Yeah, that’s true”

“Misery loves company. Oh, misery loves company. So, if that’s what you want, have a seat and get comfortable.”